I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
