She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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