So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
