Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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