Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
