It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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