So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
