I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
