wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I would ride that face into the sunset
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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