When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
