I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
