it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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