Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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