nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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