I wish I could teleport
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
