How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So here I am, sexting at work.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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