i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
