Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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