yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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