i don't like sucking hair
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
