Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
