I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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