sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
