it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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