dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
