drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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