then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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