OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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