Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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