Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
