My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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