all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
