Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
