ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
there was a trapeze. enough said
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
