After last night, I could never be a politician.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
