there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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