I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
