Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think my fart just growled at me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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