I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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