I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize