She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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