I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
