I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
