So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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