I hope mine doesn't look like that
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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