Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
