I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
