Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
