i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You are a genius and a whore.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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