Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
