Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
