Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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