I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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