do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
