CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
