oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
