so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
In America we eat man semen.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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