Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
