mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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