Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
