I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
