He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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