i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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