i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I understand Curling. That high.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
