What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize